My dear,
shall I poor you a glass
of your favorite red wine?
You can regale me with
tales of your day.
No wine for me,
thank you.
I will drink in your words
and become intoxicated
at the thought of having a life
worthy of discussion.
9/21/09
9/20/09
Point of View
What a difference a point of view makes. In all of the analyzing of my novel and dealing with my fears about writing, there was still something that was keeping me stuck. I couldn’t quite figure it out. I love my story and I love my characters. However, something just wasn’t working.
It finally hit me yesterday. I needed to be writing in first person from the point of view of my female protagonist. How could I have missed this for over a year? It now seems so obvious. She is in every scene. One of the most important elements of the novel is the way she grows and changes in the face of tragedy and the revealing of unspeakable family secrets. For this to happen, I really need to get inside her head. I need to be able to share her thoughts, feelings and fears. I now see I can do this so much more effectively in first person.
This has turned around the entire way I am telling the story. It allows me to more quickly get to the precipitating event that begins to bring the secrets into the light.
I have a lot of work ahead of me but I am re-energized about the book. This is going to seriously mess up my schedule for completing it especially given that I have to pull off soon and complete my outline for this year’s NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) that begins November 1st. I am hoping that I can juggle them both and write the new novel in the mornings and work on the old in the afternoons. Since I have never tried working on two at once before, I don’t know if this will pan out, or not.
In the meantime, I will get as far as I can on converting my current novel to first person. I have trashed the old prologue and written a new one this morning. I like it so much better and I think it is more likely to grab the reader right away.
It finally hit me yesterday. I needed to be writing in first person from the point of view of my female protagonist. How could I have missed this for over a year? It now seems so obvious. She is in every scene. One of the most important elements of the novel is the way she grows and changes in the face of tragedy and the revealing of unspeakable family secrets. For this to happen, I really need to get inside her head. I need to be able to share her thoughts, feelings and fears. I now see I can do this so much more effectively in first person.
This has turned around the entire way I am telling the story. It allows me to more quickly get to the precipitating event that begins to bring the secrets into the light.
I have a lot of work ahead of me but I am re-energized about the book. This is going to seriously mess up my schedule for completing it especially given that I have to pull off soon and complete my outline for this year’s NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) that begins November 1st. I am hoping that I can juggle them both and write the new novel in the mornings and work on the old in the afternoons. Since I have never tried working on two at once before, I don’t know if this will pan out, or not.
In the meantime, I will get as far as I can on converting my current novel to first person. I have trashed the old prologue and written a new one this morning. I like it so much better and I think it is more likely to grab the reader right away.
9/17/09
Letting Fear Go
I subscribe to a daily message from Neale Donald Walsch and just received this one in my email. It is so apropos to what I have been feeling lately that I had to share it! I have a feeling that I am not the only one that could benefit from this message today.
On this day of your life, Tamara, I believe God wants you to know...
...that it is never safe to look into the future with eyes
of fear.
Edward H.Harriman said that, and he was right. Nothing
is fearful lest thinking make it so. I can honestly say that
probably 95% of the things I was afraid of, it turned out
I had no reason to be.
And even if the thing you fear happens...so what? Again,
95% of the time your world is not going to fall apart, your
life will not be in danger. So drop fear by the wayside.
Just... let it go. Then make way for a surprising tomorrow.
9/14/09
A Very Irritating Trait
One of the most frustrating struggles I have within myself is always feeling like I should be doing something more noble with my time. This is seriously getting in the way of my creativity and novel writing. Not only must I quiet that critical voice that tells me I can’t write worth a damn. But, I also have to deal with the voice that says I shouldn’t be writing novels in the first place. This voice feels I should be writing some type of “helpful” nonfiction versus frivolous fiction.
In attempting to reason with this judgmental part of myself, I remind it that reading novels was one of the things that saw me through a difficult childhood. Novels have been where I turned through the years when I needed a break from stressful jobs or relationships. Novels have provided me hours of enjoyment and comfort. However, the voice yammers on.
On top of being quite annoying, I think the voice is causing a low level depression because I am constantly dealing with this inner turmoil and cannot just enjoy writing my novel. I waste numerous hours going off on what-I-should-be-doing tangents instead of being productive with my writing time.
The final kicker is that the voice feels that, if I am going to insist on writing fiction then, I should be writing literary versus popular fiction. I prefer reading popular fiction most of the time and I prefer writing popular fiction. Therefore, writing literary fiction is not an option.
It seems that I must always make life more difficult for myself. It is a very irritating trait!
In attempting to reason with this judgmental part of myself, I remind it that reading novels was one of the things that saw me through a difficult childhood. Novels have been where I turned through the years when I needed a break from stressful jobs or relationships. Novels have provided me hours of enjoyment and comfort. However, the voice yammers on.
On top of being quite annoying, I think the voice is causing a low level depression because I am constantly dealing with this inner turmoil and cannot just enjoy writing my novel. I waste numerous hours going off on what-I-should-be-doing tangents instead of being productive with my writing time.
The final kicker is that the voice feels that, if I am going to insist on writing fiction then, I should be writing literary versus popular fiction. I prefer reading popular fiction most of the time and I prefer writing popular fiction. Therefore, writing literary fiction is not an option.
It seems that I must always make life more difficult for myself. It is a very irritating trait!
9/11/09
The Joy of Unexplained Pain
For the last two or three years, I have been getting stabbing pains in the middle joint of my middle finger on my left hand. The pain lasts a few seconds but it is so bad that it takes my breath and gives me chills all over my body. I asked my doctor on Maui about it once and he didn’t have any explanation. Sometimes it happens a few times a day but then it will go weeks and not do it at all.
About a month ago I had the same kind of pain in my left knee. It happened a few times within one day and has not returned. Then, about two weeks ago, I began having the same pain in my right foot. Again, it happened a few times and went away. However, this time I decided it was time to get myself to a rheumatologist. I have not seen a rheumatologist since we moved from California about ten years ago. My family doctor has been able to manage my lupus and fibromyalgia and there was not a rheumatologist on Maui anyway. I have an appointment with a doctor in Portland in a couple of weeks.
This morning, the stabbing pain began in my foot and lasted for over two hours. I didn’t think a pain pill would really work but took one anyway. It did nothing. I had stabbing pains that hurt so bad for over two hours that I my stomach was upset and I had constant chill bumps all over my body. After two plus hours, it all of the sudden stopped. It is the strangest thing and I have no idea what is going on.
I did try to get my appointment with the new doc moved up but no dice. I am on a waiting list if he has a cancellation. For now, I am pain free. However, it left me exhausted and my brain is fried. Here’s hoping the pain doesn’t return before the 24th which is when I see the new rheumatologist.
About a month ago I had the same kind of pain in my left knee. It happened a few times within one day and has not returned. Then, about two weeks ago, I began having the same pain in my right foot. Again, it happened a few times and went away. However, this time I decided it was time to get myself to a rheumatologist. I have not seen a rheumatologist since we moved from California about ten years ago. My family doctor has been able to manage my lupus and fibromyalgia and there was not a rheumatologist on Maui anyway. I have an appointment with a doctor in Portland in a couple of weeks.
This morning, the stabbing pain began in my foot and lasted for over two hours. I didn’t think a pain pill would really work but took one anyway. It did nothing. I had stabbing pains that hurt so bad for over two hours that I my stomach was upset and I had constant chill bumps all over my body. After two plus hours, it all of the sudden stopped. It is the strangest thing and I have no idea what is going on.
I did try to get my appointment with the new doc moved up but no dice. I am on a waiting list if he has a cancellation. For now, I am pain free. However, it left me exhausted and my brain is fried. Here’s hoping the pain doesn’t return before the 24th which is when I see the new rheumatologist.
9/8/09
Simi Apologizes
Simi, our 8 month old puppy, seems to be experiencing the doggie equivalent of the terrible-twos. Undoubtedly our utter lack of discipline is at the core of this problem. We are in the process of re-establishing ourselves as owners and rulers of the house.
Simi is in the process of atoning for her "little" indiscretion as evidenced by the photo below.
Simi is in the process of atoning for her "little" indiscretion as evidenced by the photo below.
9/5/09
Time Untethered
The time between dusk and dawn is my favorite time of day.
I love the nighttime hours when the sun has gone away.
As the moon slips quietly from its home behind a cloud.
Dropping into peaceful slumber, what will I dream about?
Will I dance upon the air or perform acrobatic feats,
that in the light of day would be impossible for me?
Will I travel to heaven to give my grandma and grandpa a hug?
Or, visit others I have lost and remind them of my love?
In this time untethered, whatever I choose to do,
I hope it makes me smile come morning... as the sun slides into view.
I love the nighttime hours when the sun has gone away.
As the moon slips quietly from its home behind a cloud.
Dropping into peaceful slumber, what will I dream about?
Will I dance upon the air or perform acrobatic feats,
that in the light of day would be impossible for me?
Will I travel to heaven to give my grandma and grandpa a hug?
Or, visit others I have lost and remind them of my love?
In this time untethered, whatever I choose to do,
I hope it makes me smile come morning... as the sun slides into view.
9/3/09
Someone Stole My Breasts
This poem was inspired by a post my friend Corina wrote. I was so self conscious about my size, or lack thereof, for years. All I can say is thank God you don’t always get what you pray for when you are young!
Someone stole the breasts that I was meant to have.
Or, maybe in chest size, I took after my dad.
Year after year, I waited for them to appear,
they are still so small I don’t need a brassiere.
I can run down the street with nary a bounce.
They probably weigh less than an ounce.
Sagging is something that will never effect me.
No, my breasts will never hang down to my knees.
So, concerning the breasts I never had,
I guess the good outweighs the bad.
To whoever is walking around with my breasts:
you can keep them ‘cuz I am happy with my chest!
Someone stole the breasts that I was meant to have.
Or, maybe in chest size, I took after my dad.
Year after year, I waited for them to appear,
they are still so small I don’t need a brassiere.
I can run down the street with nary a bounce.
They probably weigh less than an ounce.
Sagging is something that will never effect me.
No, my breasts will never hang down to my knees.
So, concerning the breasts I never had,
I guess the good outweighs the bad.
To whoever is walking around with my breasts:
you can keep them ‘cuz I am happy with my chest!
9/1/09
The Truth About Worrying
Embrace life like you will never die.
Ground your feet on the earth but reach for the sky.
Laugh like worries don’t exist.
Enjoy your health like you’ll never be sick.
Yes, there may come a day
when shadows paint your life with gray.
But, to anticipate these times of bad,
will paste pallor over the good you have.
You won’t be any more prepared
than if you’d been caught unaware.
All worrying ever really does
is distract you from the joy that was.
Ground your feet on the earth but reach for the sky.
Laugh like worries don’t exist.
Enjoy your health like you’ll never be sick.
Yes, there may come a day
when shadows paint your life with gray.
But, to anticipate these times of bad,
will paste pallor over the good you have.
You won’t be any more prepared
than if you’d been caught unaware.
All worrying ever really does
is distract you from the joy that was.
My Dream - A Poem
I didn’t go to college or earn a degree.
I didn’t join a company and become a VP.
I’m not a doctor, lawyer or teacher.
I’m not an actress, athlete or preacher.
But, I have a dream deep inside,
and from others this dream I hide.
I want to be a writer weaving words together;
I want to write novels that are bound in leather.
I struggle on from day to day
trying to understand what I have to say.
What I write now comes out in rhyme;
but, I certainly hope there will be a time
when my inner novelist finally breaks free
plotting stories that you can’t wait to read.
I didn’t join a company and become a VP.
I’m not a doctor, lawyer or teacher.
I’m not an actress, athlete or preacher.
But, I have a dream deep inside,
and from others this dream I hide.
I want to be a writer weaving words together;
I want to write novels that are bound in leather.
I struggle on from day to day
trying to understand what I have to say.
What I write now comes out in rhyme;
but, I certainly hope there will be a time
when my inner novelist finally breaks free
plotting stories that you can’t wait to read.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)