This morning I looked in the mirror and had the thought that I am going to be 47 next year. That is getting dang close to 50!
I asked myself how much longer I am going to live my life so concerned about what others think of me and what I do. Do I really want to leave this planet having run in circles trying to please everyone else and never having done what makes me truly happy? And, by the way, what the heck does make me truly happy?
It is time for me to make a choice of how I am going to live my life. I am carrying too many layers of people-pleasing that keep me from knowing what my true passion is.
I love writing novels. However, I tie myself in knots worrying about whether that is a worthwhile purpose. I also find myself too concerned with the subject matter of my novels instead of just freely writing what wants to be written.
My other interests are gluten free cooking, reading, painting and working towards my theology degree. Where in there am I giving back to the world? This is a question that plagues me.
I think all people-pleasers must have trouble knowing what their true passion or purpose in life is. I think it is difficult to sort out what we are doing for ourselves and what we are doing for the approval of others. It is absolutely right to care about the feelings of others. It is the opinion of others that shouldn’t weigh so heavily in decisions pleasers make.
I will be spending some quality time with these questions over the next few days. I would love to hear your thoughts on this subject.
9 comments:
You have no idea how nice it is to hear that another 40-something women doesn't have it all together yet, either!!
I read a wonderful quote lately on a blog. "When passion, affirmation and talents line up, that's what God has created you to do with your life." Jim Watkins
I'm trying to figure out if writing fits in there for me. Definitely passion, but the other two are so subjective.
Sorry, I don't have the answers for you, but I do believe we need to keep seeking and challenging ourselves, not everyone else. Hope that helps!
Being a people pleaser is a hard job! I don't think we ever really stop doing it. I'm never capable of doing what makes me happy if it makes someone else upset.
Being a writer is very hard when you are a people pleaser. I completely understand. On my newest WIP I'm putting my heart and soul into it and I don't care if my MC isn't the right age or I mention things that are controversial. I'm writing this one for me!
Dear Tamara: I read once that John the Apostle raised pigeons as a hobby. I cannot imagine him worrying about whether others benefitted from that or not. If you don't fill yourself up with reading, cooking and painting sometimes, your own well runs dry. These hobbies are not wrong unless you get obsessed and neglect your family, and I doubt you're doing that.
From one people pleaser to another: give yourself some grace.
Now please tell me this tomorrow! I'm sure I'll need it...
"It is absolutely right to care about the feelings of others. It is the opinion of others that shouldn’t weigh so heavily in decisions pleasers make."
These words are so very true and you should strive to live by them. Give yourself the gift of living your passion, we only make this trip once.
I'm not a real people pleaser but I struggle with the same questions, Tamara. I still don't know the answers, but I have faith that I'll find out what I need to know when I need to know it.
Just don't pressure yourself! Pressure from others, pressure from yourself - it's all pressure in the end, and you want less of that. Just BE!!
Dear Tamara,
I'm not a people pleaser so I don't know what that feels like. But, I did spend years figuring out what my mission was.
Next year, I will turn 60, and I've decided that independent of whether I contribute what I was "meant to," I'm feeling much better, I am contributing in my own way, and it's time to stop worrying about all this.
Take care my friend!
Susan
Eileen - I love the quote. I have passion and affirmation (I think), but do I have talent? That is the question. Maybe we can support each other in figuring this out!
Marybeth - It is a hard job! Good for you in putting your desires first with your WIP. You go!!
Jeanette - That certainly puts things into perspective. Thanks for your encouragement. Now, you be sure and give yourself some grace!
Drifter - EXACTLY!! Not as easily done as said but I am trying my best!
WC - I think you are right. If we stay open then we are given the answers when we need them or when we are ready to hear them. The other puzzle piece is to believe in ourselves enough to use those answers when we receive them!
Susan - You are doing an amazing job of contributing. I love seeing you find your passion! I do want to stop worrying NOW before I use up anymore years in a wasteful kind of way!
Thank you everyone. What wonderful, thoughtful comments! ;-)
You're very smart to stop and think about this now. Far too often we run around and do every/any thing for everyone else...just to please them or through some sense of responsibility. Then our lives are over and we haven't spent time on enriching our own lives and fulfilling our own desires.
Write. If that's what you enjoy, write.
Thanks, Corina. I am very excited about my plot for this year's NaNo novel. Sounds like you had a great trip. I hope to get together with you this month when things settle in a bit. ;-)
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