10/31/09

Fibromyalgia

Clothes hurt skimming over skin,
muscles ache deep within.
Forecast calls for clouds and rain,
another day of fibro pain.
The weather once was my friend...
sun, rain, snow and then
from out of nowhere this illness came.
Now barometric pressure rules the day.

10/30/09

The Wolf

These aches and pains will they ever cease?
All the drugs should kill the beast...
this wolf inside with his teeth bared,
with this wolf my body I share.
He’s become an unwelcome guest
and day after day I do my best
to remember that I am not this disease.
But these aches and pains will the ever cease?

10/28/09

Trick or Treat

As October breathes its final breath,
young ones don their scary dress
to run door to door laughing with glee
shouting the words “trick or treat.”

Home they head toting bags of treasure,
to sit on the floor and eye with pleasure
piles of candy and goodies to eat
earned with a trick on All Hallows’ Eve.

10/26/09

The Quiet Little Girl

From out of the depths of my soul it does come
and into the abyss of emotions I plunge.
Word after word falling on the page
pouring out emotions of love, fear and rage.

My hand and pen guided by a force unknown.
My mind completely immersed in the flow
of feelings that shock as they’re ripped from inside,
naked and truthful I can no longer hide
behind the facade of the quiet little girl
all the memories begin to unfurl.

10/25/09

Releasing the Pain Mindfully

Pain cells screaming head to toe
muscle cramps won’t let go
Suffering, suffering from this pain
grant me courage for another way

pain is an event within the body
suffering’s the name given it emotionally

but a way of life called mindfulness
allows the experience of pain to be less
Let it go, let it go...detach from the pain
It’s just a sensation, don’t give it a name

Look all around at what you see
a flower, a bird, a sunrise, a tree
stay in this moment, in this now
releasing the pain, this is how

I have been using Mindfulness Meditation and living in the Now to help with my pain. Why didn’t I learn this years ago? It really does make a difference.

If anyone else is dealing with chronic pain, I would be happy to explain more of how it works. Feel free to email me at tamara(at)desiretoheal(dot)com.

10/22/09

Who Am I?

Who am I meant to be?
A question worthy of pondering.
Was I placed on this earth for a reason?
If so, what is it, I’m wondering.

The things that I do feel frivolous;
certainly not worthy of merit.
If I have a higher purpose,
I sure wish God would share it.

It seems I walk through my days
stitching minute up tight to minute.
Hours fly by in a flash
What have I got to show for it?

If it isn’t yet quite clear to you,
then I will shout it as loud as I can...
I don’t have the faintest idea
who the hell I am.

People Pleasing

This morning I looked in the mirror and had the thought that I am going to be 47 next year. That is getting dang close to 50!

I asked myself how much longer I am going to live my life so concerned about what others think of me and what I do. Do I really want to leave this planet having run in circles trying to please everyone else and never having done what makes me truly happy? And, by the way, what the heck does make me truly happy?

It is time for me to make a choice of how I am going to live my life. I am carrying too many layers of people-pleasing that keep me from knowing what my true passion is.

I love writing novels. However, I tie myself in knots worrying about whether that is a worthwhile purpose. I also find myself too concerned with the subject matter of my novels instead of just freely writing what wants to be written.

My other interests are gluten free cooking, reading, painting and working towards my theology degree. Where in there am I giving back to the world? This is a question that plagues me.

I think all people-pleasers must have trouble knowing what their true passion or purpose in life is. I think it is difficult to sort out what we are doing for ourselves and what we are doing for the approval of others. It is absolutely right to care about the feelings of others. It is the opinion of others that shouldn’t weigh so heavily in decisions pleasers make.

I will be spending some quality time with these questions over the next few days. I would love to hear your thoughts on this subject.



10/15/09

Fall Leaves

I was looking at the trees yesterday and feeling sorry for the leaves that grow all spring and summer just to die in the fall.


A few yellow leaves dust the ground
all the rest can still be found
tenaciously clinging to their limbs
hoping for no strong winds
to send them floating to the earth
where composting becomes all they’re worth.

10/13/09

I Am Complete

The cool breeze blows through my hair;
the birds are singing and the trees are budding.
All around nature reaches out to touch me.
Nothing disturbs the sounds of nature
except for my shoes hitting the concrete.
My stride is long as I run along the highway of life.
I am alone and it feels good.
I am happy with myself and filled with peace and tranquility.
As I cross a bridge, I reflect on emotional bridges I have crossed
and remember all the pillars that supported me.
I am free as the wind.
I alone control my destiny.
I choose to sing like the birds and bud like the trees.
I become a pillar to help the next person over the bridges of life.
I am complete.

10/6/09

Stuff and Such

I thought an update might be in order since I haven’t posted for a bit.

First, my lupus and fibromyalgia have been flaring and the pain is not leaving me a lot of typing time beyond working on my novel. I am trying to stick to a schedule of rewriting a chapter a day. So far, I am fairly close to that goal but I have to type for small spaces of time and then take a rest before I can type more. Thank goodness I have the flexibility to do this. I did consider voice recognition software but I just can’t speak my story. There is something magical that happens when I put my fingers on the keyboard.

I just finished rereading my first five chapters and I feel like something is missing. The prose is a bit boring. I have a feeling that I need to spice it up a bit either with better description or wittier dialogue. Maybe both? It is something I feel I need to get a handle on before I proceed any further in my rewrite.

Good news is that this morning we had Online Northwest install wireless internet access. We live in the country and until now have had satellite since cable and DSL are not available to us. It looks like Online Northwest will just about double our internet speed. This is going to make online life so much more fun. The installation guy was wonderful. Our house is so surrounded by trees that he could not get a signal from a dish mounted on our house. So, he installed it up in one of our trees. So far, it is working great!

I signed up for NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) a couple of days ago. If any of my readers are Wrimos and want to find me, my username is TCStaples. I am very excited for November 1st and beginning work on my new novel. If my pain calms down a bit, I would love to bump my rewrite to two chapters a day and try to finish my current WIP before beginning the new one. If not, I will try to manage both at once if I am able.

That is about all the news from me. I hope that your writing is going wonderfully and that you are enjoying some beautiful fall weather.